OK, first of all, nobody wants to see the bottom of your face. Want to make friends? Hide your trap!
Smell that aroma? It’s not roses, buddy. Save your possible friend’s delicate nostrils and stay away. Seriously. At least six feet away please or your friend will be six feet under.
What about parties, you ask? You are not a fun person, so, NO! Stay home!
Relax, it’s not all bad. For all your faults, you know how to take advantage of technology. You can meet your “friends” remotely online with the various meeting software apps out there.
I think I have it covered, let me think… Oh, a couple of more things. First, every week, stick a pipe cleaner up your left nostril and swirl it around until your eyes water uncontrollably. Just when you can’t stand it anymore (about fifteen seconds), guess what? Do it again with your right nostril. Then stick the snotty bristled stick in a test tube and ship it to someone who can figure out what it all means. If they don’t like the result, be prepared to be trapped in your bedroom like a common criminal.
Boring news for moms 